he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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