Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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