So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
