Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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