Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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