I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
