Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
