I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
