That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
