this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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