so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
