the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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