i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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