I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
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