We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
