I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
