stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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