Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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