I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
