God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
