I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
