He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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