RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
