I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize