Duck Duck Cougar?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
