Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
pray to the hookup gods
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
