I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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