Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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