my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
