opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
