oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I need help removing her.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
