just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
