i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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