he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
