put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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