Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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