It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
