I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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