your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
