I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
