I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
