Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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