I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
