you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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