You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
