2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
