I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
