yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
