So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
