After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
