And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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