Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
