is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
