I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
