my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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