her facebook's as public as her vagina
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Alive.
So much puke
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
