Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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