R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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