Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
