Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize