Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
