I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
