We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
two words...techno handjob
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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