this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
