after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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