im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
