if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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