so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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