I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
