you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
