So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
