Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
