I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize