i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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