I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
