there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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