i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize