Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
