I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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