You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Ketchup is God's man juice
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
