I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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