An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
