just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
