she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize