Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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