After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
