My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Come back. Shots need mouths.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize