Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize