Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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