I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize