He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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