Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
