I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My cat gives me a boner
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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