either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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