i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
