Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
